Brightest Young Things introduces us to "the worst hip-hop group ever": "White & Crazy Kids." How crazy are they? So crazy, they just might black out and rape somebody. With an impressive one-two-punch, the worst hip hop group ever may have created the douchiest date rape song ever. It's called "Get Your Drink On." Let's take a listen.
Date Rape Anthem: White & Crazy Kids' "Get Your Drink On." I really don't want to make you go over to their Web site, but I think you have to listen to it here.
Relevant Lyrics:
Swallow the bottle til it's hollow
Get your drink on, get your drink on, baby get your drink on
Blacked out getting head from a fat chick
Get your drink on, baby get your drink on
In your car doing 80 in a 40 zone
Get your drink on, get your drink on
Waking up with a chick that you don't know
Get your drink on, get your drink on
. . . As soon as I black out, I act out
Find me at the bar because I'm buying all the [unintelligible]
Four a.m. come around, I'm gettin' kicked out.
Five a.m. come around, I'm pulling my dick out.
Why It's So Rapey: With songs like "First I Get My Cup," "Drinking is Guaranteed," and the jazz-infused douche jam "Feelin' It," these guys make Asher Roth look like a feminist musical genius.
"Get Your Drink On" is a lot like Roth's "I Love College," actually. But instead of Roth's safe-sex message—"when it comes to condoms, put two on"—we have the White & Crazy Kids boasting about having "no condoms on." And in place of Roth's date-rape warning—"don't have sex if she's too gone—we have this: "Patron 'em up, and they get down to blowin'."
I suspect that "Get Your Drink On" was concocted in a laboratory by anti-date-rape advocates looking for the perfect pop culture antidote to alcohol-assisted acquaintance rape. After hearing the White & Crazy Kids rap about passing out in cars, not remembering having sex, and hooking up with chicks who go to Arizona State, would-be date rapists can come to only one conclusion: Rape is the douchiest thing in the world. If you don't want to be a douche, don't do anything these guys "rap" about.
On the Hierarchy of Date Rape Jams, "Get Your Drink On" scores a zero sweetness score and a zero positivity score, making it, in fact, the douchiest song about date rape. Ever:
